


No Regrets

by Mistress_Kalamity



Series: My Heart's To Blame [4]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Epilepsy, Germany, M/M, Seizures, Service Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 13:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8103835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_Kalamity/pseuds/Mistress_Kalamity
Summary: Bill only wants to remember what happened in that apartment.





	

He stands alone. The large brick building looming over him. He wants to walk in but he only rushes off in the opposite direction. He finds his way to a bar and sits down at the counter.

“Whatcha havin’?”

“Tequila, please,” Bill sighs.

He doesn't know how he's supposed to report Alex. When they ask why he stayed, he'd have to mention the drugs. He couldn't lie about the nature of their relationship. Alex was his abuser, rapist, and plug. He didn't want to admit it but he knew he might end up getting arrested.

He kept downing the shots until he could barely stand. He stumbles out of the bar, walking to a liquor store and purchasing two bottles of rum. He downs one while walking away and the other when he gets to a strange neighborhood.

“Well, well, well. Look at what we got here? Hey, Bill.”

“Alex? What are you doing here?” Bill slurs.

“Going out for a walk. I've decided I like Germany more than LA. The drug laws aren't as strict.”

Bill turns on his heels and walks in the opposite direction. He doesn't have great coordination but he knows he has to get away. Alex knows he's drunk and that's not good for him. He hears the footsteps as Alex gets closer.

“Hold on, princess. You owe me for what your _boyfriend_ did to my face.”

Bill blacks out as he's dragged back to Alex's new apartment. He wakes up several hours later with a horrible taste in his mouth and a stinging in his arm.

“Wha?!”

He sits up and freaks out when he sees the needle pricks in his arms. He falls out of the full size bed and stumbles to get his clothes. He doesn't grab his shoes. He only pulls his shirt and pants on. He wanders out of the building and onto the sidewalk. His vision is blurred, he can't make sense of the world and he's barefoot.

Bill stumbles into a public area and right into traffic. Luckily someone stops when they're going right at him. Under the heavy headlights, the driver can see that he's covered in blood and bruises.

“Sir or madam, do you need help?”

Something hit him like a ton of bricks and he passes out in the middle of the street. The driver gets out of the car and rushes over to him.

“Tomi….I'm….sorry….please….don't….hate me,” he mumbles nearly incoherent.

“Shit! You need help. Its alright, I got you.”

The kind Samaritan picks him up and puts him in the back seat of his car. He quickly drives to the nearest hospital and skids into the parking lot.

“Don’t worry. We’re at the hospital. You'll get help now.”

 

 

××××

Bill is awoken by someone tapping his shoulder. He opens his eyes and is met face to face with Tom. He sees the disappointed gaze he's casting down on him.

“Heroin overdose? Bill, I thought we were over this?”

“Tomi? I wasn't….I didn't….Alex he found me and---”

“Save it.”

“I don't do injectables! Coke yes heroin hell no. Alex set me up.”

Bill looks down at his hands and a memory came to his mind. He instantly gets a headache trying to remember what happened before he got to the street. Before the car. Alex was…..

“Excuse me? We are looking for Bill Kaulitz?”

“I’m him, what's this about?”

“You were found in bloody clothes and there were narcotics in your system. What happened?” the detective asks.

“I….don't remember. I just remember having too much to drink and then my ex appeared and then these bright lights and then waking up here.”

“Okay, a witness says he found you wandering around and you passed out in front of his car.”

“Did I? I don't remember.”

“Yeah, you did. Do you know where you were when you started wandering?”

“Uh, Alex took me somewhere. I think his apartment or something. I remember waking up a little and he was on top of me,” Bill whimpers.

_‘You owe me, you dirty little bitch.’_

_Bill tries to fight him off but Alex is smart, he injected him with more than enough heroin to incapacitate the singer. He rips off his pants and forces himself onto him. Bill cries as its happening. He didn't want this. He couldn't find his phone and he couldn't scream._

“He...uh...he raped me. I can't remember anything else.”

“Alright. Get some rest, I'll be back tomorrow to jog your memory.”

Bill watches the detective leave and he feels like shit. What happened in that apartment? Tom discharges him and he goes home with his brother. He lays on the couch and closes his eyes.

_‘You owe me, bitch!’_

Bill wakes up screaming, tears running down his face. He grips his arm and reopens his old self harm cuts. Tom goes to check on his twin, who's crying his eyes out.

“Billa?” Tom yawns.

“Tomi? Go on back to sleep,” Bill whimpers.

“How can I when my twin brother's crying?”

Tom sits down next to his brother and pulls him into his arms. Bill shutters in his arms and Tom's worry meter increases. Images flash before Bill's eyes and he sobs even louder. After about 45 minutes, Tom's lulled Bill to sleep. He wanted to kill Alex for hurting his brother. As soon as heard, rape, he had been plotting on how Alex could meet an unfortunate, accidental death.

He's angered that true to his word, the detective came the next day. He sits down with Bill in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He grips his pants as he tries to remember anything. The apartment, street, or even where he got abducted. There was nothing.

_‘Take me, bitch! What's the matter? Miss your little boyfriend?’_

_‘Please….stop,’ Bill pleaded._

_‘Nope. I like seeing you in pain.’_

“I’m sorry I don't remember more. He drugged me and on top of that I was drunk.’

“What’s his name?”

“Alex Claster. He's my ex.”

“Why’d you break up?”

“He was abusive and he tried to kill me.”

The seasoned detective wrote down what Bill was saying but he could see the singer is withholding information. He puts a hand on Bill's and that sends the younger male into screams.

“No. No. No. I won't do this with you!”

The cop looks confused mostly but he doesn't move. Tom comes into the kitchen and pulls Bill into his arms.

_‘You have gotten so tight since I left you. I'm surprised, being that you're a fucking whore.’_

_‘Alex, please,’ Bill pleaded._

_‘Oh I love it when you beg.’_

Bill fights against his brother, his face had morphed into Alex's and he was flipping out.

“Don’t touch me! Fuck you Alex!”

“Bill, calm down,” Tom whispers in his ear.

Bill grabs the now empty mug and cracks it against Tom's head. The image vanishes and he gasps.

“Tom? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Are alright?”

“I….I'm gonna go lay down,” Tom mutters.

Bill watches his brother leave and he sighs. He needed to know what happened that night. He needed closure. Anything to help his mind rest a little easier.

“Mr. Kaulitz, do you normally lash out, violently?”

“No. It's just Alex put me on edge. See, my ex was abusive and he raped me almost regularly because I….I was dependent on cocaine. He was my plug and I used to let him do horrible things to me, things I didn't want or like but I just had to get a fix.”

“Did he sat anything when he abducted you?”

“Uh…he talked about staying in Germany because the laws are different and he's able to sell his shit better here. Then he said something about me owing him because my new boyfriend came to my rescue the day he tried to kill me,” Bill recalls.

“Okay. When he took you, did you smell anything? Hear anything?”

“Uh, I heard cars. He lived near a highway. He said something about that being convenient.”

_‘Not one person can hear you scream. I should've thought about bringing you here ages ago.’_

_Bill couldn't think. Alex's body and the forced drugs turned everything into a nightmare. He wanted to die in that moment._

The detective left saying he'd follow up on that lead and he'd contact him to finish up his statement. Bill took this time to check on his twin. Tom's asleep in his room. With Georg visiting family, Tom's alone in his room.

“Tomi? Can I come in?”

He sighs when he notices that he's knocked out. Tom must've been tired. Bill did that. He kept his brother up and he knows how bad his seizures could get without sleep. He grips his shirt and goes into the bathrrom next door.

_‘I own you, bitch!’_

He rolls up his sleeves and picks up the razor. He drags it down his arm and watches the blood accumulate and spill out of the wound. The room starts to spin and he collapses. Tom hears his brother's skull collide with the toilet and he jumps up.

“Bill? Are you alright?”

He opens the bathroom and curses when he sees Bill on the floor, bleeding from his arm. He bundles up some towels and presses then against the wound. Blood soaks through them and he panics. He can't carry him. Bill is dead weight unconscious. He pulls out his phone and dials for emergency services. They instruct him to keep pressure on his wound. They quickly rush him to the hospital and he's stitched up and left to rest.

Tom questions his brother's suicide attempt and he doesn't get a direct answer. Bill looks away from his twin and refuses to answer anymore of the detective’s questions. He is in his own darkness. Refusing to speak to even Gustav when he arrives to see him. He's raiding his own mind, trying to piece together the events in that apartment.

 “Bill, please talk to me,” Tom pleads.

_‘You just gonna stop, keep pleading my name, bitch!’_

_‘Alex….stop please…..I don't want to do this with you.’_

_‘Bitch, you think you got a choice.’_

 Bill grips the sheets beneath his hands and groans. What happened? These flashes only remind him of the pain. He wanted to escape. He didn't want to think about being raped. He didn't want to think about Alex. The flashes didn't fill in the holes. It only replayed what he wanted to forget.

This attack is eating him up way more than any other because he thought he was past this. He looks at Tom's now sleeping face and now he's even more upset. Tom should be resting. Instead, he's here, worrying about Bill. The singer quietly cries because he is so sick of being the victim.

The detective returns after Bill has been brought home and the singer sits in the living room. He needs to think.

_The lamp was so close. All he had to do was grab it._

The memories of that night come flooding back. He sees himself during the event and tears rush down his face.

_Bill reaches above his head, long bony fingers wrap around the metal table lamp. He can only think of the abuse. Alex did nothing but hurt him and his family. He bring it to Alex's skull and knocks the man out. The singer shoves the rapist off and gets up from the bed. Alex is unconsciously moaning on the floor. Bill is crying his eyes out while tryimg to focus. He will just come back, again and again. Nothing's gonna stop him. He sees the gun on the ground sticking out of Alex's jeans pocket. He picks it up and points it at Alex. He squeezes the trigger and doesn't stop. When the gun clicks empty, he drops to his knees and sobs. He's free. Finally free._

He goes into the kitchen and sits before the detective. He doesn't meet his eyes or speak immediately. Bill takes a deep breath and looks at the older male.

“That night. Alex took me to his apartment. He drugged me, raped me and belittled me. I had to escape, so I grabbed the lamp off the end table and cracked it against his head. He fell unconscious and I found his gun. I shot him. I blacked out after that. He bled on my clothes while I was passed out and I guess that's why they were bloody,” Bill confesses.

“Are you saying you killed him?”

“Yes I am, detective.”

He closes his notepad and tucks it back into his pocket.

“Am I gonna need a lawyer?” Bill asks.

“No. You're lucky, its self defense and we can prove it. There are witnesses that saw him take you. They contacted us and we couldn't find you. Luckily you got out and you wandered into public.”

“So….what happens now?”

“You come back to the precinct and we get your statement. Once that's done, you're free to go.”

 Bill couldn't believe it. His nightmare, his living hell is finally over.


End file.
